you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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