wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
