1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
