Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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