Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
