Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
