ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
