i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
