is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
