The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
