If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
