you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
