youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
