i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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