I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
