once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
