This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
