Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Farmville is her only friend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
