Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
