I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
