i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
