So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
