Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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