Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
