Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i drank out of a bidet.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
