I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
