if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
