Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
