I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
