i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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