Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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