I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
