I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
