just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
