I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
