I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
