at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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