very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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