I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
