I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
