Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
