I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
