And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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