Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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