your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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