My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
