I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
