I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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