I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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