She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
