Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
