I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
