it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
