I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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