I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
