I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
