How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
