When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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