You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
