he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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