I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
