I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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