Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
