Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
