So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
